Your Relationship with Your Surrogate

Setting Expectations Before You Match

The best time to establish communication expectations is before the match is confirmed — not after. During your first meeting with a potential surrogate, discuss: how often you'd like to be in contact (weekly texts, monthly calls, or something else), what her preference is for sharing pregnancy updates and photos, whether you want to attend prenatal appointments and how she feels about that, and what her vision is for contact after the birth. Misalignment here is one of the most common sources of friction in surrogacy relationships.

During the Pregnancy

Most intended parent/surrogate relationships settle into a warm, consistent rhythm during the pregnancy. Common patterns: weekly or biweekly text check-ins, a shared photo/update app, attending the anatomy scan together, and occasional video calls. Resist the temptation to over-contact in the early weeks out of anxiety — follow her lead on rhythm. Remember that she is carrying your baby but also living her own life with her own family.

Respecting Boundaries

Your surrogate's body and medical decisions during the pregnancy are hers, guided by her OB. Your input on medical decisions is addressed in the GCA — outside of those agreed-upon terms, her healthcare is her own. Respecting this boundary is essential to a healthy relationship. If concerns arise, raise them through your case manager first rather than directly pressuring your surrogate.

After the Birth

What happens after the birth depends entirely on what both parties genuinely want. Many intended parents and surrogates remain in warm contact for years — sending holiday photos, meeting up occasionally, maintaining a meaningful connection. Others prefer to close the chapter quietly after the journey ends. Both are valid. What matters is that expectations are clear before the birth, not negotiated in the emotional aftermath.